Jess vs. The Bedroom Bully

🌿🗣️Garden Gossip No. 2

Welcome to Garden Gossip, a quarterly mini-newsletter where I share all the latest dirt on the goings-on in and around my garden.

This should have been a love story. A fairytale. A frog-meets-girl, girl-kisses-frog, frog-turns-into-prince kind of situation. Instead? It was an ambush.

No romance. No happily ever after. Just me, a very lost amphibian, and the slow, horrifying realization that I was, in fact, sleeping with the enemy.

Jess vs. The Bedroom Bully

I have no clue how the frog got inside my bedroom. Most nights, I hear the faint pitter-patter of tiny amphibians against my windows, but this time was different. It wasn’t outside, it was inside. First, a thud against my dresser. Then, the unmistakable sound of my drawer handle flicking. Something was in the room with me.

An Unwanted Bedmate

I still wasn’t sure what it was until I heard a thump against my comforter. Nope. Absolutely not. One thing was clear: I was not safe.

I don’t regularly share my king-sized bed and I wasn’t about to start with an uninvited guest. Covers—flung. Bed—abandoned. I sprinted to turn on the light, only to realize I could hardly see a thing. This would be the one night I don’t fall asleep with my contacts in!

But I did hear another thump against the carpet and noticed a flesh-colored object on the floor heading towards my bathroom. A few moments later, I heard the clank of likely face products and perfume bottles getting knocked all over my bathroom counter. The Bully, whatever it was, was marking its territory.